Mitt Romney’s World Domination Plot…errr Platform

As I watched the Republican convention last night, for just a moment, I thought I was watching an episode of Pinky and The Brain. Remember that kids show, two genetically-altered lab mice who plot to take over the world each night and ultimately fail? Mitt Romney’s speech, although more empassioned than his usual robotic-millionaire self, was just a tad frightening.

Mitt Romney (aka The Brain) and his running mate, Paul Ryan (aka Pinky), are hoping that Americans buy into their bid for the top job as leaders of the United States of America (i.e., take over the world). Their plan is eerily familiar somehow…. can’t quite place it, but sounds an awful lot like a modern version of terra nullius and imperialism 101. First of all, Romney opens his speech with a very telling line: “We’re a nation of immigrants.” True, they are all immigrants. However, they are not a nation – they are a state which is located in and among many Nations – Indigenous Nations. To say that the USA is a nation of immigrants treats the original peoples as though they don’t exist. This is how the colonizers justified the theft of Indigenous lands, because they were terra nullius – “land belonging to no one”, or in other words, no humans were inhabiting a piece of land, so it was free for the taking. Romney also goes on to state “We’re the children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren of the ones who wanted a better life. The driven ones.” Oh, they’re the driven ones alright – there wasn’t anything they were not willing to do to acquire Indigenous lands and resources – from scalpings, mass murders, forced relocations, residential schools, to forced sterilizations. But all of that was justified. Why? Because they came in the pursuit of freedom – “freedom to build a business with their own hands”. In America, they don’t apologize for success”. In fact, according to Romney’s view of the world, “it’s the genius of the American free enterprise system” that has created America as it looks today. Of course, you have to sort of ignore that Indigenous peoples exist, that there are huge societal inequities between men and women, Black and white people, gay and straight, and rich and poor. But that’s ok because according to Romney, his empire… err America, will not “mention their race, their party affiliation or what they did for a living”. Nevermind that this same “genius” free enterprise system is killing our oceans, lands and skies. For every imperialist, there is always an arch nemesis who threatens to foil the world domination plan. For The Brain, it was usually Pinky’s lower IQ that foiled his plans. For Romney, President Obama is the arch nemesis because of his ludicrous non-genius ideas. Obama wants to slow the rise of the oceans… HAHAHAHAHAHA… and he wants to try to heal the planet… BAHAHAHAHAHA! How ridiculous! Obama will never take over the world that way. No, Obama should have a genius world domination plot like Romney which will make the already privileged individuals who vote for him much, much richer. But, as with all good world domination plots, one can’t build an empire without the requisite propaganda which justifies the invasion… err… freedom campaign. The formula for this is simple: “free other nations from dictators”, show other countries “less flexibility and more backbone”, and create a “free world” by imposing…err… promoting “America”s Democratic ideals”. In fact, Romney’s America “will preserve a military that’s so strong no nation will ever dare test it”! No one will ever touch “our oil, our coal, our gas, our nuclear and renewables”! Ok, so that speech is scary! Romney says it’s “time to put aside the divisiveness” and try to create a world where “everyone else on the block is doing the same thing”. Nevermind trying to thrive in your cultures and traditions as Indigenous Nations or protect our delicate ecosystems for future generations. No, if American’s elect Romney, their world domination tour will no doubt start with us and our oil, our gas, our water and our natural resources. All the more reason to stop the pipelines now.

Lieutenant Ryan: Gee Romney, what do you want to do tonight? Emperor Romney: The same thing we do every night Ryan, try to take over the world! *Images used from Google Images.